I need to stop coming to work sober
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
