we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
