Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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