it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
