I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Are my feet made of real feet?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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