last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
what day is it and did you see me today?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Randomize
