He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
