some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
