why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
