FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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