I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
