I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
