weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
