Tell her she can't have a vagina
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
