you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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