Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
