I'm sorry my penis didn't work
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You may now shotgun with the bride
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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