he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
