Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
