so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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