It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
