Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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