I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
