So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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