I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
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