You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
