Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
