Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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