i already hear my dad disowning me
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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