Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
