I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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