I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
