So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he thought i was a dude.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
