She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
