Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
