um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
