Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
