He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
