Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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