i jhust puked up my retainher.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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