Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
