It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
