one two three fourrrrnication!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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