Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
