yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
