i love accidental penises.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
