You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
