I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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