Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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