So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
