you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
