I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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